I wish I could feel more optimistic ....

Lisa at Catalyse Coaching
Jan 29, 2021
5 min read

Updated: Jan 31, 2021

Jan 2nd 2021, 10am. Jason* is feeling pessimistic and hopeless. He’s thinking and thus behaving like there’s no point. He sees only a black, bleak future. Action feels futile, like sweeping snow when it’s still falling. Why so blue? Dark winter days, lockdown, January blues, yes - and yet it seems more.

“The whole thing is quite hopeless, so it's no good worrying about tomorrow. It probably won't come.” JRR Tolkien, The Return of the King

He’s been repeatedly exposed to stressful situations that he can't control or escape (aka covid-19, for most people). So, his mind’s starting to generalise – clearly, he can’t control anything. He’s losing motivation, avoiding anything challenging. Just a duvet day? No. He’s ignoring opportunities under his nose and it hasn’t seemed worth trying for days.

In psychological terms, Jason’s leaning towards learned helplessness.

“Learned helplessness is the giving-up reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever you do doesn’t matter.” Martin Seligman (and Arnold Schwarzenegger)

Should he sit it out, or try to regain his positivity? Hibernation’s tempting, but he’s neither bear nor squirrel. A brief 'wallow with purpose' can help, if we’re reflective enough to clearly name our pain. Jason wants to feel less helpless and more optimistic - but how, when things look so dismal?

1. Get on in here, PsyCap and Optimism

Psy-What?! Psychological capital. Broadly – mind-stuff that helps us cope and live better. Useful, then. Just when we need it, a HERO mindset - Hope, Self-Efficacy, Resilience and Optimism.

PsyCap (Luthans), part of the positive psychology movement, helps success in many areas of life. Even though our circumstances clearly impact us, what matters most is our response to them. How we play the cards we’re dealt depends on our mindset, but the trouble is – our mental autopilots are notoriously risk-averse. Destination? Nowhere - we’re avoiding everything but TV, booze & carbs (they don’t feel threatening (yet)).

“An optimist stays up till midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” Bill Vaughan

Let's zoom in on optimism. Joanne* usually has plenty – one of life’s corks. She’s able to see future possibilities even during setbacks that fluster and blind her co-workers. What enables her to envisage positive outcomes and see them being within her grasp?

She wasn’t ‘born that way’ and it’s not an immutable trait. If, growing up, optimism was evident (in our family, or post-war culture), or if regular good experiences helped us assume life’s largely OK, maybe it’s our lucky default. But even Joanne’s struggling to keep it together during this long crisis.

Optimism can be boosted - it takes a fair bit of thought, especially now. But, like the effort to make a healthy breakfast, it’s worth it - it sets us up for better things.

Why bother? Optimism correlates with better immune and cardiovascular function, better motivation, focus, execution of plans and achievement. Optimism is like BabyBio for our proactivity, and the rewards include better health, relationships and careers. This is true even if you’re not a natural optimist. If you keep cultivating it, optimism improves your results. Pessimistic thought-patterns, by contrast, narrow our attention, reduce problem solving and cause avoidance. We need a wide field of view (to see many possible paths forward) and remembered skills and past successes (to give us confidence to try).

After all, we won’t rise out of the valley by staring at its floor.

2. Optimism it is, then. How?

First, try picking a pessimistic, wallowing thought - maybe of the ‘Never, None, Always, All’ variety. It’s probably a generalisation by your mind (trying to protect you - with a sledgehammer). Be curious about each thought and ask: Is it permanent? Is it pervasive? Is it personal?

Even if, like me, you worry that covid-19 effects could run for several years, that’s not permanent. It’s also not pervasive – I still have working legs, mind, speech, internet!

But sometimes brains need more convincing – next, let’s recap some evidence. Believing in positive outcomes is tough if we stay tuned to current problems. Instead, look back and notice previous ‘up’ times. Hilltops always border a valley, if we dare look upwards. Don’t worry, we’re not ignoring the valleys -rather, admiring the peaks to fuel ourselves to climb.

So next, try Up-Times worksheet (download the PDF from the box below) .Use it to jot positive things from the last few years, taking a moment to really remember what you saw, heard, felt, thought. Fill the left-hand two thirds with previous up-times. Then on the right, scribble good stuff that might realistically be possible in the future. And imagine what you might feel and see if these happen. Maybe imagine the journey too.

Seeing Up-Times, past and forecast, we often spot that our choices, and thus much of what happens to us day-to-day, are ours to control. We’ll look at more of HERO another time. For now, keep building your BabyBio optimism.

“Optimism is a strategy for making a better future, because unless you believe that the future can be better, you are unlikely to step up and take responsibility for making it so”. Noam Chomsky

3. What if 'self-help' isn't enough?

For me, this January, realising I’d lost my optimism and searching for it myself wasn’t enough – I still had no idea where I’d left it.

I talked with a fellow coach (yes, coaches get coaching too), spotting a familiar pattern of mine. I was ‘wishing it wasn’t so’ (say, lockdown 3) and ‘resisting reality’ (the reality that living means setbacks and uncertainty). Resisting made it loom larger - like the way a polo-neck fills your whole field of view when you’re battling it over your head.

Coaching helps because talking converts nagging angst and fuzzy worry into specific topics that we act upon. Having an insightful partner as a guide acts like a welcome wind blowing away the fog, helping us race ahead.

“Coaching is taking a player where they can't take themself.”

Bill McCartney (American footballer)

So, seeing the resistance, I've focused on unblocking my optimism. I'm striving (as always!) to accept the uncontrollable and act on the rest. Thankfully, I've gotten myself off the helpless / hopeless train -at least long enough to get these stories onto paper....

4. Summing up

My own mood, plus recent client stories, led me to further explore optimism. I now see PsyCap as a precious set of delicate spices – hidden there in our brain’s pantry, if we can just bring ourselves to remember past feasts and try a little cooking. More ‘recipes’ in future articles!

Recurring, inescapable lockdowns may be triggering more than their fair share of dismay. But boosting our optimism can move us from a narrowed, passive mindset, to path-finding, problem-solving confidence. Especially needed in a (long) crisis. But whilst our brains are wired to always be capable of optimism, its often autopilot-overruled. If you’ve misplaced yours, it’s worth a hunt, with a guide if needed, because optimism will unlock your agency and spice up your future.

Coach's note:

I hope reading about helplessness and optimism has helped you understand your brain a little better. I particularly hope there’s enough here to help you back to yourself if you’re struggling. But, if there’s more to talk about (like there was for me!), I’m here if some coaching might help.

Goal of this Catalyse Coaching article: To cultivate curiosity and confidence about how our minds work, so we know and use their functions better (about as well, say, as our smartphones!).

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(* all client names & situations changed to protect privacy)